10 Ideas to Help You Heat Things up This Summer

Physical touch and intimacy can be such a tremendous blessing in our marriages. This mutual expression of love is an offering of trust and vulnerability that can bring us a deeper sense of commitment and connection, if we choose to make it so.

What are your beliefs and feelings about sex?  Do you allow it to be an important and fulfilling part of your relationship, or do you bear feelings of resentment, and use it as a tool to either reward or punish your partner?

If you’re unhappy with this part of your lives together, there is work we can do to change that.  Reach out to me and let’s get to work.  

But for those of you who just need a little tuneup, here are ten great ways to heat things up with your spouse this summer.

1.  Think about your spouse on purpose.  Great sex starts in the brain, not the body. Thinking about your spouse, and how you enjoy being with them, is a fantastic way to get our engine started. Take the time to do this first!

2.  Kiss like a lover. It’s easy to be in a rush and give our partners a peck as we are rushing out the door, but trust me, that 30-60 extra seconds you take to give your partner a real kiss, will pay off in spades. If you want your partner to be thinking about you, don’t kiss her/him like you kiss your mom!

3.  Hug, with your eyes closed, for a minute each day.  Take the time to wrap your arms around each other and then focus on all of the incredible physical sensations you feel.  Closing your eyes allows you to concentrate on your other senses.  To breathe in the warmth of your partner and enjoy the sensation of touch.  Practice thoughts of gratitude for both of your bodies.

4.  Tell your partner what you love about them, and their body.  Say it out loud, let your compliments be real and loving.  Send them as little gifts of affection and enjoy the thought of letting your partner know those things you appreciate and adore about them. (PS, tell yourself the things you love about you too!)

5.  Text / call them.  Take the time to send some love.  A spicy text, “thinking about you…” or some flirty gifs, let your partner know you are interested, that you find them desirable, and they are on your mind.  Get their mind thinking about you too!

 6.  Plan a date.  Get a sitter if needed, clear your calendar, and make a plan to spend uninterrupted time together. Is there something you’d like to do?  Don’t wait for your spouse to plan it, take the initiative and go for it.  Is there something you know your partner would love to do, but would never plan for themselves? Pay attention and make it happen!

7.  Do a task or share their load.  It’s difficult for our partners to think about expending their energy with us, when they are overwhelmed with a million other things to do.  Share their load.  Show you care by stepping up to give them a break.  Offering support is a beautiful gift we can give, whether we receive anything in return or not.

8.  Get a couple’s massage.  If you’ve never done this, you are missing out (if you like massages)!  This is such a special treat to be able to go and relax together, while being pampered and spoiled rotten.  One of my favorite things to do with my guy!

9.  Surprise your spouse.  Be spontaneous!  Remember when you were first dating and enjoyed surprising your love in one way or another?  Don’t let this practice die.  I recently  had to spend a few days away from my guy, and the morning I was scheduled to leave, my husband left for work, and then returned shortly thereafter.  I was so surprised to see him, but he had gone to the store and returned with a special surprise for me.  Tell you what,- I thought about him every day I was gone, and couldn’t wait to shower him with affection when I returned.

10.  Make an effort.  Let’s face it, the same old same old can get a little boring.  Make an effort to make your alone time special.  Add some candles, music, cologne/perfume, breath mints or gum. Take your time and set the stage for love. Turn off your phones and tune in to your five senses. Being present and letting your spouse know that they are the ONLY thing on your mind, is not only respectful, but also the very best way to connect. 

Romance in your relationship doesn’t have to die.  Keep the flame alive by tending the fire.  

Make the choice to spice things up and watch your romance bloom again.