When I was growing up, I remember my dad taking us one by one, to visit with him and set some goals for the New Year. I really loved that! I remember how exciting and hopeful it felt to dream of creating something new or improving myself.
I was really good at the dreaming… but not so good at the implementing.
I could see the end result in my mind, but lacked the tools to follow through and make it happen.
Over time this became discouraging. Why bother setting goals if I wasn’t going to accomplish them?
As we head into the New Year, what are your thoughts?
Do you make new resolutions and trust yourself to do the work, or is the pain of possible failure too great?
The problem is that our actions are created by our thoughts, and if our thinking isn’t in line with the goal, the action we take won’t be effective.
The pain of discomfort is the currency we must pay in order to grow. We must choose to embrace it.
Embrace the pain? You might be thinking I’m crazy, but that’s exactly what I’m asking you to consider.
The pain of creating change is difficult to bear, but so is the pain of staying where you are.
The difference is that the pain we experience in order to grow, will bear the fruit of satisfaction and progress. The pain of remaining where we are, will likely bear dissatisfaction and lower self esteem.
So if you’re going to feel pain anyway, which one do you want to choose?
Choosing to feel pain helps you to take ownership. It gives you power because you are choosing it on purpose, -for a purpose.
Consider your relationship. Just like the leaning tower of Pisa, if you continue to build on top of that leaning structure, at some point it will fall. We do this year after year… trying to build a future with the same thoughts from our past. The result is unsteady deterioration.
In order to strengthen our structure, at times it is necessary to tear it all down and start fresh, on solid ground with a firm foundation. This can be a painful, yet necessary process.
This is exactly how coaching can help you change everything, without changing your spouse.
You see, you have grown accustomed to interacting with each other and establishing patterns of behavior. For example, when he does this… I react this way. Or, when I say this… he takes it this way… you get the picture.
When you begin to gain a new perspective on your relationship, your thoughts, feelings and actions will change. This can leave your partner a little confused, but over time, your new behaviors will change the way he behaves too. You create new patterns of interaction.
Creating a beautiful relationship is the work of warriors. Warriors who believe in their cause and are willing to fight, willing to face the pain, in order to win the battle and preserve what they love.
Take courage my friend. There is hope and there is help. I’ve walked this path, fought this fight and I can show you how to embrace the discomfort and pain of growth, and build the love you are longing to feel.