I had to work on Saturday. There was no getting around it, I had a lot to accomplish that I wasn’t able to get done during the week.
My sweet husband’s first words in the morning were, “What can I do for you today?” and he genuinely meant it. Instead of complaining about not being able to spend time with me, he offered his full support. Can I just say, “WOW?”
That felt amazing. And when he showed up mid-afternoon with a big Diet Coke (with Lime!) for me, I felt even more cherished!
This is something we didn’t have early on in our marriage, this desire to support one another 100%. We were both caught up in having each other fill our needs, so we didn’t make a conscious effort to lift one another.
My how things have changed, and THIS is soooo much better!
One of the best habits we can form, is this unattached effort to support our spouse.
When all we focus on is the ways we want our spouse to support us, we constantly notice how they don’t measure up. Our brain scan for their deficiencies!
Be if instead, we focus on answering the question, “How can I support my spouse today?” without expecting anything in return, we delight in being able to lift their burdens and be there for them in a way that creates more connection.
So, if you’re wondering how you can do this today, let me share a few tips that might inspire you!
1. Ask. Ask him/ her what they need. I know this sounds basic, but without asking, our spouse will not likely share what would help them the most. Asking opens the door to that conversation, and also opens our eyes to how we can be of help.
2. Be Flexible. Expecting that things go a certain way, or that we have to follow a rigorous schedule, can be difficult in a partnership. Be willing to sacrifice your agenda when you can, if it helps your partner to breathe a little easier.
3. Listen. Our spouses may not come right out and ask for what they want, but trust me, they leave clues. Listen for those hints. Pay attention to those comments that might seem random. If we are listening for ways that we can help and support, we will hear them.
4. Take his / her advice. Everyone loves validation, it’s just a human response to feel valued and needed. If you ask for your partner’s opinion or advice, respect it, listen to it, follow it. Just be sure that don’t ask for his opinion or advice if you’re not open to suggestion.
5. Encourage. Having your partner believe in you, feels like a million bucks! Encourage your partner to grow. Show that support by offering time, freedom, praise and your unconditional love.
6. Be a team player. Stand with your spouse. Be their biggest fan and supporter, especially when they’re not around. Have their back, speak highly of them, and make sure everyone knows, your spouse’s name is sacred to you.
Supporting your spouse is one of the best things you can do for your marriage. It builds trust, opens communication, and most of all, creates feelings of appreciation and love.
This past week, my friend Keri was telling me how difficult “Maycember” can be for couples.
There are so many events with school ending, kid’s activities etc… It can be super easy to take our spouses for granted and move them to the back-burner.
If this sounds like your life, I encourage you to take a moment to pause and consider how your actions today, will affect your relationship tomorrow.
Being a supportive spouse doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Just a little effort can go a long way. So choose one of the ideas above and get to it!
My husband showed up for me this way today, and it made all the difference.
And guess what? Now I want to show up for him.
He didn’t ask me for anything, but by giving me his support, he has sparked that desire within me, -by inspiring my thoughts of gratitude for him.
It creates a lovely pattern of partnership, and THAT is how we come to feel more supported.
I have a few spots open for one on one coaching. If you are ready to invest in making your relationship incredible… for LIFE. Let’s talk.