What do we do when we want different things?
I have the best little tool for you today!
Does this ever happen with your honey?
You really want to go to a wedding, he really wants to go to a game.
What do you do?
Perhaps you want to volunteer for an event, but your partner wants to pass.
Or maybe you want to spend the tax return on a family vacation and he wants to build a man cave.
What if he wants sex and you want sleep?
How do you decide?
Rather than fight about it, why not take a poll?
Whenever my husband and I disagree about something, we like to check in by asking each other, “On a scale between 1-10, how important is it to you, or how badly do you want it?”
When we check in this way, we often discover that one of us feels more strongly than the other, so together we choose to do what the one who feels strongest wants.
You can also do this on your own.
Your partner requests sex and you want to sleep. But are you a full zero? If so, there’s no problem with saying, “I adore you and love you tons, but not tonight, I need some rest.” However, if you’re a 5, perhaps it’s something you choose intentionally because you love your partner.
This type of self discovery can be so helpful.
It takes the drama and resentment out of disagreements.
It allows you to be honest in assessing what is important to you.
It creates more harmony as you gain respect and acknowledge your partner’s feelings along with your own.
I know what you’re thinking, “That’s all well and good Jane, but what if we’re both a ten????”
There are probably times when this will happen for sure. You both feel strongly and don’t want to give in.
This might be the perfect time for a coin toss and a compromise, and whoever wins this time, agrees that next time it’s their partner’s turn.
Using this tool does more than help you gain clarity, it also helps open the door to honest communication.
Talking about issues that are important to us in a mathematical way, helps lower our emotional levels and creates more safety in our conversations.
Try it for yourself the next time you disagree. This helpful little 1-10 scale can really help you build connection.❤️