“How Much Should I GIve?”
I get this question a lot. “If I just love him even when he doesn’t deserve it, isn’t that giving too much? I feel like I’m excusing his bad behavior and I’m not okay with that.”
“If I give love and it hasn’t been earned, that isn’t fair.”
I get it.
We want people to earn our love.
Probably because we’ve spent a lifetime trying to earn other people’s love.
We hold the belief that we are only loveable when we do enough, say the right things, act the right way, be the right type…. You fill in the blank.
And because we hold that expectation for ourselves, we hold it for others as well, – especially our significant others.
The problem is that when we withhold love, we are the one who feels the loss.
We are the ones who feel the disappointment.
We are the ones who feel the judgement.
We are the one who prolong the pain.
We are the ones who lack compassion.
We are the ones who create separation.
We are the ones who cut the connection.
We are the ones who suffer.
When we choose not to love, we are the ones who don’t get to feel love.
My coach likens this to punching yourself in the face.
You see the bruise on your cheek and you even watch yourself do it, but instead of putting your fist down, you insist that the other person is in control of your arm.
When we think thoughts that cause us pain, we are the ones doing the punching.
So in answer to the question, “How much should I give?”
Do yourself a favor, give it ALL away.
Give all the love you have because when you give it, it multiplies and comes back to you.
When you give love, you are the one who gets to feel it.
When you give love that is unearned, you receive love even when you haven’t earned it!
There is no tally or score to keep.
Giving without reserving is the key to having more.
And seriously, who doesn’t want more love???