Man it’s hard to be wrong! Do you hate it as much as I do?… well, as much as I used to anyway! It’s funny and I never thought I’d say this, but I actually love it when I’m wrong now… but that’s a whole different story…
This is something I’ve been doing a lot of coaching on lately, so I thought I’d share a few really helpful insights for you.
Our opinions really matter to us.
Most of us feel very strongly about a lot of things, and it makes us feel bad when others don’t agree with us. But wait a minute… does IT make us feel bad? Or is it what we make it mean, that makes us feel bad?
When you are arguing with your spouse (or anyone else for that matter), do you find yourself digging in? Do you feel the need to defend your position? Do you make being wrong a character flaw?
Our lower brains HATE being wrong, because they’re wired to seek acceptance. Back in the primitive days, acceptance meant inclusion, and that meant safety, shelter and food. It meant survival.
But that’s just not true anymore. That knee jerk reaction of the lower brain in an effort to protect us isn’t helpful.
Consider this, your opinions and beliefs are just thoughts you’ve chosen to keep and practice, over and over again.
Your partner has the same thing happening in their brain, and that primitive need to be right is just as strong for them.
Understanding this is critical, because then we can open up to the idea that perhaps we are BOTH right! If we allow ourselves to loosen our grip and get curious, a whole new world of possibilities becomes available to us.
Picture a bouquet of roses. Perhaps he sees thorns and you see flowers. Both are true and correct. What if you could just get curious about why he sees the thorns?
When we marry, we bring many differences in our past experiences as we combine to create a new family unit. And needing to be right will be a difficult obstacle if we can’t overcome it.
Do you believe that the way your family raised you is best? Did you celebrate holidays in all the right ways, and his family just didn’t? Do you have the right ideas about how to raise the kids, load the dishwasher, plan a vacation or install the toilet paper roll?
Many of the things that most attracted us to our mate to begin with, become the very things that annoy us the most.
Yet the differences you have, are why your partner is exactly the perfect one for you!
His/her perspective is different, and if we seek to understand their thinking, our own perspective can broaden and we can grow not only as a couple, but individually a well!
Next time you have an argument, approach it with the intent to understand first.
Try to find your common goal, this is the key! Most of the time, you want the same things but just want to go about it in different ways.
Realize that arguing only means that you both care.
If you can find the love, you can find the solution.
Much love to you,