Here’s What You’re Misunderstanding

I just spent the past week and a half doing some traveling.  

First, a wonderful weekend at a coaches retreat in our beautiful Bear Lake Utah.  It was so energizing to be surrounded with other amazing coaches and glean from their knowledge and experience.  I am always looking for opportunities to grow and expand so I’m incredibly grateful! 

Then, it was off to Carlsbad with my hubby for some time at the beach.  So incredible to go from gorgeous fall foliage, to the sand and sun.   We’ve had such a beautiful time together, what an incredible world!  Truly, I am PINCHING MYSELF!  Doing this work has given me EVERYTHING I ever wanted in my marriage.  It’s SOOO worth it! 

I always want to give you value in my emails, so today I want you to think for a sec about the word, misunderstanding.  

I actually love this word because it implies that understanding is possible, we just haven’t gotten there yet.As I work with couples, it’s so clear to see that the misunderstandings we have can be easily solved, and boy do we have a lot of them! 

If you’re like me, you might be frustrated at times that your marriage is hard. Maybe you wonder like I did, “Why does it have to be this way?

The answer might be as surprising to you as it was to me. Before I found coaching, I behaved in many ways I’m not proud of. I felt sorry for myself, then felt guilty for my pity parties… and then beat my sorry self up for that too.I wasn’t grateful for much of anything that my husband did, in fact I was full of judgement and criticism which made it impossible for him to do anything right.I blamed him for all of the unhappy parts of my life, and fully believed that lie.I took very little responsibility for our happiness together.

If you are struggling the way that I was, you are likely misunderstanding some things. -Things like believing that our marriage is supposed to bring us happiness. -Like thinking that once we find our person and say “I do,” that life will be sweet and easy and complete. 

But when we believe this we are misunderstanding the purpose of this life.  

The truth is, we are meant to work hard to learn what works. 

For some that might find their marriage to be easy, their classroom is simply different.  Maybe their work to do comes in the form of addiction or health challenges, or the million other struggles that humans have…but no one escapes life without a classroom I believe with all my heart that we’re all meant to get creative and attack our problems from a million different angles. We are meant to disagree, and learn to love unconditionally. We are meant to feel disconnected, so we can learn how to create connection. 

We’re meant to struggle, so that we can gain the strength to grow and have the emotional muscles to handle ALL of the trials in our lives.AND, we are meant to fail… A LOT, for it’s in failing, that we find what works. 

We are meant to fill that empty tool box with everything we need, to build the marriage we want.  This is all part of the process of learning to be a creator, and growing to become like God. And He has given us all of the tools we need to do it! 

But we must choose to use the tools.  They’re not forced on us and that’s a good thing! Because if they were, the lessons wouldn’t hold any value.  It’s the choosing of it that gives us our power. 

But just having tools isn’t enough. Learning to use and implement the tools is where creation takes place. 

We can’t skip this step!It’s the effort, the struggle, the walking through the fire and making it through the rain, that creates belief in ourselves, in our spouse and in our power to create what we want. 

I’m so grateful those days of pity parties, misery and blame are over for me. My marriage DOES bring me SO MUCH JOY, because I have built it to do so. 

If your relationship isn’t the way you want it to be right now, perhaps you are just misunderstanding where you’re at in the journey! 

Even the most beautiful homes look like a complete mess until construction is finished. It’s okay if you are still building and you can’t read the plans. I’m a master contractor. I can help. Work with me.💗