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How Scarcity Squeezes the Life Out of Your Marriage

You know that sinking feeling you get, when you don’t believe there is enough for you to get what you want?  Or that your life is in some way lacking?

That feeling is scarcity, and when it becomes a practiced mindset, it holds us back in every area of our lives.

Here is the definition of scarcity, according to Google:

“Scarcity refers to the basic belief that there exists only a finite amount of human and nonhuman resources.  Scarcity also includes an individual’s lack of resources. 

The opposite of scarcity is abundance.”

I have many clients who come to me with a scarcity mindset, but I had one in particular that I want to share with you today.  

His scarcity mindset was something that he learned as a child and had cultivated for almost 49 years.  In his home growing up, there was never enough of anything.  Not enough food or money to pay the bills, not enough love or attention.  He was taught that life is hard, and he shouldn’t expect much.

In his professional life he craved safety and stability, and his need to self protect prevented him from trying to get ahead.  The risk was much too scary.  What if he lost it all?

That feeling of not having enough had affected almost every aspect of his life, but most harmfully, his marriage.

His insecurity, and believing that there is not enough to go around, made him a jealous spouse.  He was resentful of anyone who received his wife’s attention, even his own children.

He ran a tight budget, never planned for fun, even though he could afford it.  His fear and scarcity mindset was squeezing the life out of his marriage, and the only thing that caused him to seek help was the threat of divorce from his wife.

When we think a thought, over and over, it becomes a belief, and those hard wired beliefs are not easy to change.  

My client didn’t believe he was worthy of an abundant life, it just wasn’t in the cards for him.

As I worked with my client, he began to examine his painful thoughts of scarcity and discovered that they were optional.  Instead of believing that the good things of the world were only meant for others, he found that he too was worthy.

The more he learned to love himself, the kinder he became with his wife.  He stopped judging her as being “greedy and selfish,”  and became more generous with his affection and resources.  And the more she received, the more she gave in return, it was a beautiful evolution to witness.

I can relate to those feelings of scarcity.  Back in the day when my husband and I were struggling financially, I almost felt forgotten by God.  I would see other people enjoying life’s gifts and feel jealous and resentful.  

But somehow I knew deep down inside that God wanted me to experience ALL of it.  He wouldn’t have created Hawaii and Tahiti and the Swiss Alps and the Virgin Islands if He didn’t intend for us to enjoy them!

I found two scriptures to be especially helpful for me.  

In the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi, 2:25, “ Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”

And in the New Testament, John 16,23-24   “And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.  Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.”

When I read these, and other passages, it confirmed in my heart that God wants us to have joy, AND experience every good thing this life has to offer.

By holding those faith filled thoughts in my mind,  I was able to let go of my self pity. I was much more able to recognize the gifts in my life and experience true gratitude.  And guess what?  When I felt gratitude, I behaved differently.  I noticed opportunities and took advantage of them. I was filled with hope and looked for ways to improve and move forward. 

AND I found joy in other people’s success because I knew that if they could do it, so could I.

Instead of envying my friend’s relationships with their husbands, I felt empowered to improve my own, and searched for ways to do just that.

Rather than grasping tightly to my money and valuing it more than my happiness,  I invested from a space of abundance, trusting that God would have my back as I pursued the best that life had to offer.  And for me that meant a happy, passionate, friendly marriage.

The return on my investment is worth more than all of the gold in the world.

My life is a million times richer because I have the marriage I’ve always dreamed of.

I often ask my prospective clients, “If you could go to Amazon and add a happy marriage to your cart, and just buy it, how much would you pay, what would that be worth to you?”

Their answers vary, but by their answer I can tell if they are operating from a place of scarcity or abundance.

What is a happy marriage worth to you?  Do you feel like you deserve it?  Do you feel like you are worthy of having it all, or do you feel like that is just for the “lucky ones?”

Are you operating from scarcity or abundance?

If you are weary from living in scarcity with your marriage, there is another option for you. 

Happy marriages aren’t just for the lucky few.  YOU deserve a happy marriage too, but you’ve got to get out of your own way.  

If this truth speaks to you, you are ready. 

You deserve a coach.  Reach out to me and let’s change the course of your life forever.