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How to Define Your Self Concept, to Create a Life You Love

As we say goodbye (and maybe good-riddance) to 2020, and look forward to the New Year, I hope you are taking some time to reflect, and also taking a deep look inward at your self concept.  

Who are you?

What are your strengths?

What are your core values?

Who do you want to become?

I remember going to a Kurt Bestor Christmas Concert at Abravanel Hall as a teeneager.  He is an incredible musician and I marveled at his talent.  His wife and his mom were both my English teachers at Orem High School, and I was always a little in awe that they knew someone so extraordinary.

As he played and sang the beautiful songs that he composed, I remember how inspired I was.  I deeply wanted to be extraordinary too.  Something tugged at my soul, telling me it was possible for everyone,- even me.

Most times when people ask us about ourselves, we respond by telling them what we do.  

“I’m a mother, a teacher, a realtor, a chef, an executive, a life coach…

But did you know that our identities are just a compilation of our thoughts, -a collection of the things we think about ourselves?

We often define ourselves by what we DO in the world, but that is not WHO we are.

When we see ourselves only through the lens of what we DO, we give our circumstances the power to change who we believe ourselves to be. 

For instance, if you lose your job as an executive, what is your identity now?

It’s one of the main reasons why women struggle when their children leave the nest.  If our identity has been, “Kevin’s mom” for 20 years, and then we lose that daily job of mothering, we feel a little lost.

The kids grow up and move away, and our self concept moves out with them.

“Who am I if I’m not a mother of teenagers?”

“Who am I if not managing personnel and running a company?”

It’s so important to look deeper and discover who we are meant to BE.

“What are the qualities and traits that I have, that make me unique and allow me to be the creator of my life?”

“Who is my inner being and how can I live her highest and best purpose?”

If we define ourselves by our current circumstances, we have a hard time picturing our future self, because we only focus on what we’ve done… not who we can become.

We have difficulty looking ahead and imagining new possibilities,- we are too consumed with self-doubt.

We’ve all heard people say, -and maybe we’ve even said it ourselves, “I don’t know how to do that because I’ve never done it before.”

Think of how absurd that statement is!  Of course we don’t know how to do things, until we make the effort to try!

If we only do things we’ve learned how to do before, that means we are re-living the same things over and over and over again. 

SO boring, and we stop growing!

Our lives should be filled with new possibilities.

What will this new year hold for you?  

Whatever YOU decide.

So, I’d love to give you a few tips to help you figure this out.

Start by taking this online quiz to learn what your top five strengths are:


Learning more about yourself will give you clues to uncovering some hidden desires.  Knowing you have these gifts, will allow you to dream a little bigger for yourself.  

Once you have your results, ask yourself these questions for each of them:

  1. How can I use this strength to enrich my life?
  2. How can I use this strength to bless other people?
  3. What do I want to do more of this year?
  4. What do I want to do less of this year?

This is such a fun exercise that will give you some great tools for creating your 2021 goals.

This is your year, what will you make of yourself?

I’m filled with optimism as I think about you, and all of your magnificent gifts!

Here’s the simple truth, no matter who you are, your life can be extraordinary.  

Don’t believe me? I would be honored to be your coach, and show you the possibilities I see for you.  

Schedule a free call with me and let’s help you create your best year yet!