I was listening to a podcast this week and I heard Dr. Jennifer Finlayson Fife say, “If a woman isn’t thriving, her marriage isn’t thriving.”
It was one of those quotes that stops you in your tracks, because as I coach the women who come to me, I see this over and over again. It is 100% true.
A healthy, happy marriage is a bi-product of a healthy, happy YOU.
When we’re just not feeling it, not excited by our lives and brimming with gratitude for the person we see in the mirror, we aren’t adding all of the juicy deliciousness that is us, to our partnership.
We aren’t thriving in the way that God intended, so our marriage suffers too.
Who is it that you think you should, ought to, or could be?
I’ve never considered myself a feminist, rather I see myself as a humanist. All humans equal, no matter their sex. Both individuals, blessed with strengths that complement one another in the most beautiful way.
The question of whether a woman can be a full and equal partner, rests in the way a woman views herself, and we are often our own worst enemy!
Many of us believe that societal and cultural views have contributed to the role we play, and in some ways it’s true.
And yet, here’s the hard truth, playing it is choosing it, whether we want to take responsibility for it or not.
And because there is so much pain around this topic for my clients, this is where we begin.
In order to thrive in our marriage, we must first learn to thrive on our own.
I’m not talking about divorcing, I’m talking about learning to be full on happy and fulfilled, no matter what else is going on.
I’m talking about getting rid of the limiting, subconscious beliefs that are keeping us stuck.
Many clients come to me so full of hurt, it’s impossible for them to give in their marriage, because they are starving themselves.
They feel beat up, worn down, disappointed and frustrated.
The idea of giving is repulsive because they are so completely depleted.
We’ve got to wrap your wings around you for a bit in order to help fill you up and recharge, so that you can fly again.
We must learn to make ourselves the priority for a time. We have to stop blaming our spouse for the way we feel and fire them from that job, FOREVER.
Embracing our femininity as beautiful, bold, empowered women, full of gifts and unique qualities, makes us a Goddesses, not subservients.
We don’t have to wait for permission.
We don’t need anyone else to agree or approve.
All we need is the willingness to step into our power, own our awesomeness, and stop living on the sidelines.
We want to be seen and understood, but we must first see and understand ourselves.
We want others to love and appreciate us, but we must first love and appreciate ourselves.
Showing up in our marriages as a tiny birthday candle instead of a flaming torch, doesn’t go well for either partner!
Men don’t want to be blamed for our insecurities. Can we blame them?
I know I wouldn’t appreciate it if my husband blamed me for his bad mood, weight gain, or misery in his job. -No thanks!
It’s not their fault if we’ve allowed our partners to undervalue our role, our silence and pouting has enabled them to continue the habit.
If you’re waiting for him to suddenly have an epiphany, (while watching a Hallmark Movie with you) and know exactly how he should treat you… well let’s just say, “Saddle up sister, it’s gonna be a long ride.”
We want to be cherished and adored, but FIRST we must cherish and adore ourselves.
When was the last time you looked in the mirror, gave a little wink, and told yourself how gorgeous you look?
Don’t roll your eyes! If you’re not willing to do this for yourself, don’t expect anyone else to.
You MUST become madly, deeply, unconditionally in love with yourself, so that you can extend that same gift to others.
We alone have the power to give this to ourselves. It’s OUR job, no one else’s.
I’m not talking about arrogance. I’m talking about sincerely appreciating all of the incredible, unique gifts and talents that God has blessed each one of us with.
If your marriage isn’t thriving, perhaps it’s an indication of how you are feeling about yourself.
If you are wondering, “What the heck is going on with me?” It’s likely that you are living life according to your subconscious beliefs… which are often a compilation of other people’s beliefs.
As Jen Sincero says, “Our conscious mind thinks it’s in control, but isn’t. Our subconscious mind doesn’t think about anything, but is in control.”
If you’re ready to take charge of your life, we’ve gotta uncover those limiting beliefs that you don’t know are there.
We need to dig them up, expose them for the frauds that they are, and let them die in the light of your brilliance.
It’s totally possible for you to see yourself as the rock star that you are, but we must do this work first.
Are you ready? Join Marriage Breakthrough!