Couple holding hands

How to Stop Letting Your “Love Language” Wreck Your Relationship

Several years ago, a good friend of mine recommended that I read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages.  It was super popular and a lot of people were pretty excited about it.

I was still struggling in my own marriage so I read it, -with a spark of hope.

Maybe this was the secret to figuring out how to finally transform my relationship!

I read the book and devoured each section… thinking, “Yes, that’s totally me…” and also, “Yeah, not so much…” 

I felt like the author really understood how people needed to be loved and I asked my husband to read it too, so we could be on the same page.

Well, he did.  And it didn’t help.😭

I found it even more frustrating than before because, here it was!  He finally had the answers to the test, right there in writing, of how he should love me, -in order for me to feel loved…. 

But he didn’t want to play by the rules!  

He wanted to love me the way HE wanted.

And because I wasn’t willing to accept his yummy, delicious style of loving me, I resented him instead. 

I wanted to be loved MY way.

Can you relate?

Knowing your own love language is a wonderful tool in helping you to understand YOURSELF.  

It’s interesting to discover why we think the way that we do, and maybe figure out what part of our history created this desire in us.

It can help us understand and evaluate our expectations, but it should never be used as a manual or weapon to be used against our spouse.

Do you crave words of affirmation?  

Fantastic, give yourself lots of them!

You love acts of service?  Give lots of service!

Maybe you desire more physical affection?  

Notice and appreciate all of the other ways that you are loved first, and then, you will attract more affection.

You love receiving gifts?  Surprise yourself with the exact thing you have in mind.

Is quality time your thing?  

Did you know that you can make any time together, quality time?  

The quality of your time depends completely on your thoughts.

Once I decided to look for the ways in which my husband loved me, instead of ruminating about all of the ways in which he wasn’t meeting my needs… not speaking my “love language,”  guess what I found?

TONS of evidence that he loves me, truly… madly….deeply.

That feels A-MAZING!

It made me love him, oh so much more!

So go ahead, learn your love language (or don’t!) if you must.  My guess is you likely already know what you like.

Ask for what you want, there is no harm in communicating your desires with your spouse, in fact, I think you should!

But give up completely on needing to be loved YOUR way.

If you will allow yourself to feel all of the love your partner shows you in other ways, your eyes will be opened and you will be amazed as you watch your love bloom and grow.💐