Have you ever wanted something so badly, only to realize that it wasn’t really what you wanted once you had it?
When we want something, it’s usually because we want to feel a certain way.
For example, perhaps we want a puppy, because we will get to love and adore it. But we don’t think about the negative feelings we will have, when we also get to clean up the messes, do the housetraining, take them for walks, pay for vet bills, grooming visits, dog toys, pet beds, boarding for vacations, and food etc…
Or maybe you think you want to eat three donuts for breakfast, but then feel terrible for the rest of the day.
We want things because of the way we think it will make us feel to have them.
We want our husband to help more with the kids so that we will feel more loved and appreciated.
We want our wife to give us more physical affection, so we will feel more connected.
We want our spouses to read our minds and fill our needs and on and on and on.
I used to really want my husband to be a better gift giver. Gifts were a big deal in my family, and I grew up believing that they were an important expression of love. The better the gift, the more the love… Do you see a problem here?
My husband grew up in a family of 12 (Yes, TWELVE) children, and elaborate gifts were not even an option. They didn’t mean the same thing to him, and he didn’t connect the giving of gifts to expressions of love at all! When a holiday would come and I wasn’t given what I expected, I made it mean he didn’t love or appreciate me at all. And I let him know it.
After throwing a few fits over this (and likely some serious resentment and silent treatment), I remember one year for my birthday, the poor man went completely over the top. He purchased WAY too many gifts and spent WAY too much money, all in an effort to not be in trouble.
I felt like an idiot. I got what I thought I wanted, but it didn’t make me feel the way that I had hoped. See, I got the gifts, but I wanted it to mean the same thing to him, and when it didn’t, I still felt lacking.
Isn’t it crazy what our brains come up with? I wasn’t even seeing all of the incredible ways that he showed his love for me, because I WANTED him to love me MY way.
Wanting someone else to think, feel, or act in a certain way, will always leave us disappointed.
Taking away another’s will, will never make us feel the way we want to feel!
OUR thoughts create our feelings. The end.
Dragging your spouse, kicking and screaming to get it, will not give us the result we want.
They might go along (as my husband did) to keep the peace, but having what we want at the expense of another feels shameful and unsatisfying.
Releasing all of that wanting, and loving and allowing others to be exactly as they are, allows YOU to feel much better.
Wanting is okay… as long as you are wanting something that you have control over obtaining.
If you want to feel more appreciated, loved, valued…that’s totally available to you. But you will find it in your mind, not someone else’s. More love, more peace, more joy is ALL found inside of you.
I can help you find it. Work with me.