One of the things I coach an awful lot on, is the idea of what is “normal” or “not normal.”
I was coaching a client recently who has some very strong beliefs about what a “normal” sex life should be, between she and her husband. She was really beating herself up because of her lack of interest in physical intimacy. She believed there was something very wrong with her.
She had thoughts like:
“Normal women want this, there is definitely something wrong with me.”
“I’m not a “good” wife….”
“I should want to be more attracted to my husband.”
And then, when she was tired of beating herself up over her lack of desire, she would turn her blame onto her husband with these kinds of thoughts.
“All he cares about is sex.”
“If he loved me he would care more about what I need.”
Do you see the problem? When we have firm ideas about what is “normal,” and we find ourselves outside of those margins, the only option is to see ourselves as “abnormal”.
From this space, it’s impossible to get a different result, because we believe the lie that we are broken.
“Normal” is exactly what you are… because you are. Your spouse is “normal” because of who he is. Your situation is “normal” because you are human beings.
Accepting that nothing has gone wrong – that this is a normal phase of life, helps us open up to the possibility that it’s okay, and likely a temporary issue.
What are the lies you hold on to, that make you feel like things have gone “wrong”?
Can you identify them?
Maybe they sound a little like these:
“We should be farther along.”
“We blew it with our parenting because our son is struggling.”
“I deserve better than this.”
“It’s easier for other people.”
“I’m a type A or B or C person…”
“I’m just not wired that way.”
“Maybe we’re just not meant to be.”
Our brains offer us these little lies as if they are simply reporting the news, but if we believe them, they keep us stuck.
Noticing them and questioning them is the key to creating more of what you DO want.
If you find yourself in this boat, and honestly we ALL are at times, THIS, my friend, is “NORMAL.”
If you feel like you’re struggling to reject the story your brain is offering,
book your free mini session so I can help you step ashore.