|Today I want to share an important communication tip with you, and it’s this. If you want to improve the way you talk with your spouse (or anyone else for that matter!), upgrade the quality of your questions. |
One of the complaints I encounter the most with my clients, is their feeling of being stuck.
“We are bored with each other. We are roommates with not a lot in common anymore, and we’re not sure we even like one another.”
It’s easy to see how this happens when we play out each day, exactly like the one before.
“How was your day?” “Fine. And yours?” “Fine.”
The reason we feel stuck is because we stop being interested, -and also, interesting!
No one likes a redundant question. It’s time to uplevel and use our ability as creators, to keep growing and connecting together.
Instead of asking, “How was your day?” Try one of these:
“What was the most interesting thing you learned today?”
“What made you laugh today?”
“What was your high and low today?”
“What were you the most grateful for today?”
“What are you most proud of today?”
Do you see how asking a specific question will inspire your partner to share more of their daily experience with you?
Asking detailed and explorative questions is a skill that any of us can cultivate. But the reason we resist is because it requires a little effort from our brains… cuz remember?
Our brains don’t like to work.
If there is something you wish your partner would ask you, why not ask them first?
If your partner hesitates to share, try this:
“I’ve been thinking about this, and these are my thoughts on the subject…. How do you feel, or what do you think
“What is your brain telling you about_____? I’d love to know your thoughts, do you care to share?”
Your partner might not want to engage at first. Perhaps it’s been a painful experience for them before, so the idea of jumping in is accompanied by some fear, so it’s important to create some safety.
Inviting conversation, without tying YOUR emotion to your spouse’s response, will create a safe space to engage.
If you act huffy or frustrated by their response, you close the door on communication. Your partner will have zero desire to talk.
You must manage your own emotions.
Just keep inviting without any expectation, and push your brain to come up with higher quality questions that will spark insight and welcome dialogue.
Don’t let your brain tell you it’s too hard.
Don’t listen when it tells you, “I’ve already tried that and it didn’t work.”
Step into your role as a creator, who has a magnificent brain that is far more powerful than the world’s best computer! Learn, share, grow.
That’s how you were made.
Don’t let yourself settle for “stuck.”
If you’d like some one on one help, let’s talk.