I had several free calls with potential clients this week and all but one of them asked me the very same thing… it’s the number one question that I get.
“Why do I have to be the one to do the work? Shouldn’t he/she have to do it too? How can only one person in a marriage make a difference?”
I get it.
I get your confusion.
I didn’t know it was possible until I experienced it for myself.
Quite honestly, I thought maybe my situation was just different… maybe my husband was bringing me flowers, helping around the house, being kinder, listening more, caring about me and being more loving, because I got lucky?
But then, I watched it happen over and over and over again with my clients and I realized, it’s not luck, it’s science.
In Systems Theory of Psychology, “When one element in a system changes, the other elements of the system respond to that change to create a new reaction.”
If your relationship has been struggling for a while, someone has to make a change. Waiting for your partner to do it hasn’t worked, you’re still unhappy. So now what? What other choice do you have?
Trying to get someone else to change is exhausting and gets you nowhere.
YOU change, because of who YOU become in the process.
When you grow and become an emotional leader in your relationship, YOU are the one who benefits. You gain so much personal power!
There’s nothing unfair about it at all!
If you want to stay married, someone needs to pour love on your relationship, why not you?
I like to think of it this way. Imagine you had 100 pounds to lose, but so did your partner.
You want to lose weight and feel healthy, but you’re like, “If he won’t change, I’m not going to do it either.”
Who are you hurting? (hint, it’s not him!)
If you have any feelings of blame or anger or resentment for your partner, this work is INCREDIBLY important for YOU and your own personal growth.
The person you will become is worth any amount of effort.
Being able to manage your emotional health and learn how to create a life you love IS the WHY.
Start today by doing this one thing. Whenever you find yourself getting upset or thinking unkind thoughts, ask yourself these three questions.
“What would love do?”
“What would love say?”
“How would wisdom respond?”
When we ask our higher selves these questions, we will always receive an answer.
Now, most of the time, the answer will be something you DON’T feel like doing… but if you do it anyway, you will begin to change your relationship.
It isn’t easy, it’s the work of warriors… but it is oh so worth it!
Do YOURSELF a favor and begin today.