I was recently at the Dentist for my 6 month cleaning (no cavities, yay me!😂). I was chatting with my cute hygienist, (they are always so cute right?) who was telling me about her recent engagement and her up-coming wedding.
When the dentist joined us, he said to her, “Hey, you know Jane is a Marriage Coach, you should pick her brain! What is the best piece of advice you can give her?”
Well, there are so many awesome tips that I could have shared with her, but my mind immediately went to the ONE THING I wish I had known the day I got married.
I looked at this darling girl, her eyes so full of hope and excitement surrounding her future, and I said, “The very best advice I can give you is this:- It’s not his job to make you happy.”
This was probably not really what she wanted to hear.
She seemed a little confused, and it’s not her fault! That’s the message we get from the time we are little girls. You grow up, find your handsome prince, marry him and THEN, live happily ever after.
I could see the wheels turning in her brain as she agreed that yes, it’s our own job to make ourselves happy, BUT,- “What is the point of getting married if it’s not going to make us happier?”
I told her, “The point of getting married is so that YOU get to feel the love you feel for him.”
She said, “But shouldn’t we try to make each other happy?”
Such a good question!
Of course we should show up in all of our relationships in a way that makes us love the person we are. Showing up with love might inspire your partner to think loving thoughts about you… but it’s ALWAYS his thoughts that make him feel something for you.
And it’s YOUR thoughts about him, that make you feel love for him.
So instead of expecting him to say, do, think, and act in any certain way, in order for you to be happy, let ALL of that go and just enjoy loving him.
Instead of wishing that he liked to talk more, or that he was more thoughtful or romantic or WHATEVER…
Find a way to think the things that make YOU feel good and feel more love.
Fill your cup on your own.
Fire him from the job of making you happy forever!
You are the best one for the job.
Talk to your girlfriends or family to satisfy your need for long conversations.
Find fun ways of surprising him if you like surprises.
Buy yourself that little splurge and stop wishing he’d do it for you!
Own your own responsibility for creating your own happiness and stop blaming him.
He can’t make you happy.
You are the only one that can create your emotions.
THIS is what I wish I had known… what I wish I had really understood, – from day one.
THIS is what could have saved me from years of bitter resentment.
THIS is what has given me back an AMAZING marriage.
Learning THIS, can help you make your marriage amazing too!