This past week we said goodbye to my mother-in-law, and celebrated her life with family and friends at her funeral.
My husband spoke and did such a beautiful job paying tribute to her. My heart was absolutely bursting with love for him as I listened to him speak.
I’m literally pinching myself… still… that this is our life now.
It’s exactly what I always wanted.
I never would have believed that I could love him so deeply, when we struggled for so many years. But it’s true, I do.
It absolutely feels like a miracle, and it is.. but it’s also not. It’s a miracle that has come as the result of doing this work. That, along with allowing God to work in our lives, has been the key, and I’m just so very grateful!
As I thought about what I wanted to write this week, I wanted to give you some top tier tips that can help you TODAY. So if you’re in a season of struggle, I urge you to give them a shot!
So here are the three tips: Look in, Look Out, Look Up.
I didn’t come up with this idea, I borrowed from our former Stake President, but I loved the concept and think it applies well to our relationships.
Tip number one: Look in.
Take a little time to look inside yourself.
Seek to honestly evaluate.
How are you contributing to your problems? Your thoughts, your speech, your actions…
Consider your behavior.
Would you enjoy being married to you? How happy do you believe your partner is to be married to you? Are you kinder to strangers than you are to him/ her? On a scale of 1-10, where are you and why?
Examine your heart.
Am I showing up with love or judgement? Do I have a desire to do better, and be better? Check in and see if your heart needs a tuneup when it comes to your spouse.
Where do I want to improve my thoughts and actions, to create more harmony and love?
Tip number two: Look Out.
Think about your spouse.
Identify those things that are bothering you.
Are you overreacting or expecting him/her to behave or do certain things, in order to make you happy?
Focus on understanding
Why do you THINK they do the things they do? What have you assumed? What are other possibilities? In what ways might you be wrong?
Give three free passes.
For one full day, each time you notice something that bothers you, mentally, give your partner a FREE pass. (Just like a get of out jail free Card in Monopoly!) Let them pass go, and move on.
Tip number three: Look Up.
Seek Heaven’s help.
Invite God into your marriage as a third partner. Include Him in your Decisions and allow His healing power to bless your relationship.
Share your troubles with Him and let Him carry your load. God knows what we need, so turn your struggles over to him and allow Him to work in your life.
Ask Him for the strength to do what you don’t feel you can do on your own. Ask Him to bless your spouse. Wanting the best for our partner Increases our love for them. Ask for the increased capacity to love, forgive, be patient… whatever area you feel you’d like to improve. I believe God stands ready to help us, but we must ask Him first.
So there you are, – I truly hope these tips will be helpful for you.
Doing the work to create an incredible marriage isn’t easy.
As humans, we want what we want, we get bothered by things that bug us, and we have lower brains that feed us thousands of negative thoughts each day. So of course we get ornery or angry at times.
It makes sense why we’re not in a continual state of bliss, right?
However, if your marriage experience is overwhelmingly more negative than positive, it’s not necessarily an indication that you’ve made a poor choice in partners.
Nothing has gone wrong, you simply need to learn the tools to make it better,- and I promise you can!
I’m here when you’re ready.
Work with me.