“What if….?” Does this question swim in your brain and cause you stress?
You’re not alone and boy has this weekend given me a run for my money! I am in the soup and working hard at some self coaching!
First, you should know I have major issues with motorcycles.
When I was 18, I was working for the summer as a nanny in Massachusetts, when I got the call that my uncle had been in ANOTHER motorcycle accident. It was very serious and he had lost his leg… and eventually his life. I had watched my mom and her family deal with his struggles over the years due to his major health and mental problems, all caused by previous accidents. I never wanted to have anyone I loved on a motorcycle.
So… I’m married to a man. A man who loves manly things… A man who for thirty years has wanted a motorcycle, and not purchased one because he knows how I feel. He has watched as several friends in our neighborhood take rides/trips together and I know he wished for the same. So finally, a few years ago, I told him if he really wanted one and it would make him happy, he could get one. At the time he said no, that he was over it, and I thought he was.
Flash forward to last Saturday. I spent the morning showing property to a client, and imagine my surprise when I returned home to see my husband had purchased a MOTORCYCLE! I tried soooo hard to be happy for him, but inside I was DYING. My mind was off to the races, imagining every possible way that this will completely ruin our future.
Can you relate? OUR BRAINS ARE WIRED FOR NEGATIVITY.
This is because our brains are wired for survival, they want to keep us safe, but this isn’t helpful when there isn’t a real threat. The motorcycle is neutral. It is a circumstance. The thoughts I have about motorcycles are what cause me anxiety and pain. I can control my thoughts. (Not saying it is easy!)
Our brains are excellent problem solvers in the moment. When we are in a difficult situation, say there has been an accident, -we can go to work to find solutions… call 911, administer first aid, clear the mess and so on.
When we worry about the future, we don’t have concrete issues to deal with, so our brains go to work trying to solve for all of the countless possibilities. This is simply impossible. Can you see why our thoughts spin and go nowhere?
Worrying about things we cannot control makes us crazy! It’s made me crazy this past weekend! LOL! But I am getting it under control. I don’t want my thoughts to ruin my feelings. My husband is safe. He is here now and I choose to love him in this moment, instead of destroying our moments with unnecessary mind drama. I can’t control the future, and I certainly cannot control other people, so I guess I’ll get to work on controlling myself!
Next time you start to worry about “What if….someone gets hurt, something goes wrong, we don’t get what we want, etc….”
Try managing your mind by saying:
“What if…. everything goes exactly how I want… what if I accomplish that dream, feel that happy, win that race, etc….” (Even, “What if he loves riding his motorcycle and never has an accident?”)
You get the picture! Don’t allow unnecessary fear. Worry is just a waste of our time and makes us feel awful!
We get to choose! Hope you feel great today!