This is something I’ve been doing a lot of coaching on lately, so I thought I’d share. Our opinions really matter to us. Most of us feel very strongly about a lot of things, and it makes us feel bad when others don’t agree with us. But wait a minute… does IT make us feel bad? Or is it what we make it mean, that makes us feel bad?
When you are arguing with your spouse (or anyone else for that matter), do you find yourself digging in? Do you feel the need to defend your position? Do you make being wrong a character flaw?
Consider this, -perhaps you are both right? He sees a lantern and you see flowers. Both are true and correct. What if you could just get curious about why he sees the lantern?
Was the way your family raised you best? Did you celebrate holidays in all the right ways, and his family just didn’t? Do you have the right ideas about how to raise the kids, load the dishwasher, plan a vacation or install the toilet paper roll?
Many of the things that most attracted us to our mate to begin with, become the very things that annoy us the most. Yet the differences you have, are why your partner is exactly the perfect one for you! His perspective is different, and if we seek to understand his thinking, our own perspective can broaden and we can grow not only as a couple, but individually a well!
Next time you have an argument, approach it with the intent to understand first. Try to find your common goal, this is the key! Most of the time, you want the same things but just want to go about it in different ways. Realize that arguing only means that you both care.
If you can find the love, you can find the solution.