Why Commitment is So Powerful

In the first few years of our marriage, my husband and I were really struggling.  Our marriage was rocky at best and we knew we needed help or we were done.  My husband asked me to go with him to see our bishop and seek his counsel.  I didn’t really want to go, but I finally agreed.

Well, that evening as we sat in his office, our Bishop sat quietly while we both spilled our guts.  We aired out all of our dirty laundry and both had a chance to say whatever we wanted.  And still, he sat quietly, never interrupting. 

When we finished, I’ll never forget his response.  He said, “It all comes down to this, are you committed to your marriage or not?”  

That’s it!  He offered no advice, no words of wisdom, and he didn’t scold my husband like I hoped!  He asked us a simple, yet searching question, “Are you committed?” and the answer we both came up with changed our lives forever.

We both decided, yes, we were committed.

Making that decision, and committing 100% to our marriage, ended the mind drama.  There was no more wondering if there was something better, no more thinking of how life would be different if I were to leave. All of that spinning stopped.  I was committed and would figure out a way to make my choice the right one.

Being fully committed means taking what you have and making it the very best that you can.

It means you are done looking, you devote yourself completely.

Committing means you focus on the one you chose, and you make them the best, most handsome, wittiest, smartest, most fun choice possible.

Think about it, if we don’t commit, how can we hope for a happy result?

I love the way Grant Cardone talks about this in his book, Sell or Be Sold.   

He wrote, “The guy (or gal) who thinks the grass is greener over there, is the same guy who never commits to taking care of the pasture he already has. He winds up mediocre and miserable. What was he even doing looking at another pasture in the first place? He already has one that needs to be mowed.  Remember, that while there may be greener pastures, they’re green because someone committed. Weeds grow in every field, and if you don’t commit to it all the way, you neglect it. When you neglect it, you’ll start to dislike it, and then you’ll start peering over the neighbor’s fence, and thinking that he has it better.  It’s only better because he committed.”

But Jane, you might say, don’t you tell us that divorce is always an option?

Yes, it is and it fits right in line with this.  Committing to our marriage is a choice, and a powerful one.  Knowing that divorce is always an option and choosing to stay, and burn the bridge so there’s no going back, helps our brains to look for the resources available to us now.  

It give us power to work with what we’ve got and find new solutions

If I’m 100% committed, I am willing to do whatever it takes to succeed.

If I’m swimming in the pool of confusion, “Do I stay or do I go?” all of my mental energy is spent worrying about the possible outcomes of both choices.  I have nothing left to help me problem solve.

Instead of getting to work and caring for my grass, I sit on the porch and stew.

So I invite you to check in with yourself.  ARE YOU COMMITTED?

If you answer yes, are you proud of your efforts?  Have you worked and tended your marriage like your life depended on it? 

If not, let’s get to work.

There are no coincidences, you’ve found me for a reason.

If you’re ready to go all in, I’d love to support you in your journey.